Love as a Practice: Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving
In therapy, we often see couples struggling with the idea that love should be effortless. But Erich Fromm’s book The Art of Loving teaches us that love is not just a feeling, it’s a skill we must learn and practice.
When You Feel Like Roommates, Not Partners: Reconnecting as a Couple
If you and your partner are feeling disconnected, stuck, or unsure how to move forward, couples therapy can help you slow things down and reconnect in a meaningful way.
Dostoyevsky on the Paradox of Wealth
In his 1879 novel, The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoyevsky offered a chilling warning about the pursuit of status and material security. He argued that when we become slaves to our desires, constantly expanding our "needs" to match the rich and mighty, we aren't actually finding freedom. Instead, we are walking into a trap.
Superiority and Self-Worth
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.”
Ernest Hemingway
Escaping the Drama Triangle in Your Relationship
Many couples unknowingly become trapped in the ‘drama triangle’, shifting between the roles of rescuer, perpetrator, and victim. Each role reinforces the other, creating cycles of blame, defensiveness, and disconnection.
Why We Sometimes Wait to Seek Therapy
“Change almost never fails because it's too early. It almost always fails because it's too late.” - Seth Godin
Understanding Emotional Suppression
Many of us learn in childhood to hide emotions like anger, sadness, or fear to stay safe and connected. But suppressed emotions don’t disappear—they often resurface later as stress, numbness, anxiety, or relationship difficulties.
Therapy offers a compassionate space to reconnect with your emotional world and develop healthier ways to understand and express your feelings.
Adler and the Principle of Task Responsibility in Relationships
In the context of couples counselling, a recurring dynamic is the confusion of love with responsibility. When partners merge their emotional and practical obligations, the relationship often suffers from enmeshment, replacing authentic connection with a structure driven by anxiety and control.
Difficulties strengthen the mind
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labour does the body.”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Facing Life’s Four Ultimate Existential Concerns
When working with clients, I often see how life’s deepest questions sit quietly beneath their everyday struggles, such as questions about death, freedom, isolation, and meaning. These aren’t problems to solve, but realities we all must face.
Why we feel anxious in relationships
"To survive, animals must avoid predators; humans must avoid loss of relationships"
Jon Frederickson
Epicurus and the Art of Living Well
The writings of Epicurus, when integrated with the principles of existential therapy, offers a useful lens through which to examine and alleviate the profound anxieties of human existence.
Freedom and the Weight of Being
Sebastian Junger’s book Freedom explores the tension between autonomy and belonging, survival and meaning. From an existential therapy lens, it reveals how true freedom demands responsibility, courage, and connection.
Unblurring the Lines: From Enmeshment to Healthy Family Closeness
As a couples therapist, one of the most common and subtle forms of relationship dysfunction I encounter is enmeshment. It is often mistaken for closeness or deep family loyalty, but Dr. Patricia Love, through her work on families and relationships has clearly illuminated the difference between enmeshment and healthy family belonging.
Mending Your Relationship Ruptures with the Feedback Wheel
Conflict happens, but repair is the key to lasting love. As a relationship psychologist, I recommend Jane Hurley's Feedback Wheel to heal disconnection.
The Gift of Being Real: Winnicott's Enduring Legacy
As psychotherapists, our work is fundamentally relational. We strive to create conditions where deep, lasting personal change can occur in how we relate to others, and ourselves. DW Winnicott’s significant contribution to psychology include highlighting the importance of early relationships, and introducing concepts such as the ‘holding environment’, The ‘Good-Enough’ mother, and the ‘True and False Self’.
Teamwork Makes the Marriage Work
Adlerian therapist Rudolf Dreikurs taught that marriage isn't a battle for control, but a cooperative effort between equals.
Is Your Mind Blocking Your Reality?
Ever wonder why you avoid talking about a difficult subject or overreact to a simple comment? That's your mind activating a psychological defence mechanism. This is your mind trying to reduce anxiety, guilt, and emotional pain. Defences like denial, projection, and sublimation are the mental processes we use to manage overwhelming emotional states and maintain stability.
Weathering Life's Storms: How can we maintain balance?
Your life can be said to be comprised of multiple compartments, such as family, friends, health, work, hobbies, and personal growth. Allowing one problem to consume your entire focus can undermine your overall stability. To maintain your balance and stability, you must intentionally focus on, protect and connect with all your healthy compartments.
The Secret Burden: Dyslexia, Shame, and Self-Acceptance
Dyslexia is essentially a neurodevelopmental difference, not a measure of intelligence or character, yet for most who have dyslexia, their struggles in our school system feel like personal failure.