Adler and the Principle of Task Responsibility in Relationships

The Confusion of Love and Duty

In the context of couples counselling, a recurring dynamic is the confusion of love with responsibility. When partners merge their emotional and practical obligations, the relationship often suffers from enmeshment, replacing authentic connection with a structure driven by anxiety and control.

Boundaries as the Structure for Cooperation

The work of Alfred Adler provides a clear therapeutic lens for addressing this issue. Adler maintained that psychological well-being hinges on successfully engaging with core life tasks, including the task of love. For Adler, healthy love is not characterised by fusion or a loss of self, but by cooperation between two equal, autonomous individuals.

Problems arise when one partner assumes responsibility for the other's personal "tasks" - their feelings, actions, or choices. This blurring of tasks violates the essential boundary needed for mutual respect and independent emotional regulation.

Reclaiming Personal Tasks for Authentic Intimacy

By helping couples see "whose task is whose," the therapeutic goal is to restore individual autonomy and shared responsibility. This shift transforms care from an intrusive effort to "fix" the partner into a supportive respect for their capacity to manage their own internal world.

Genuine intimacy thrives in a partnership where each individual accepts full responsibility for their own domain.

To learn more about distinguishing personal tasks and overcoming enmeshment, continue reading the full article on our website: Adler and the Art of Boundaries in Relationships